**my soul and body is separated , really, I could not think of anything right now. there are no reply just a new coming saying that need to concentrate on doing thing.
but how can i really don worry about anything. it is impossible...new said that it is not my fault..but how do i stop myself in thinking that it is not my fault..i feel so useless..cant even compare to my brothers..he can get the chance in seeing them...at least a chance..but me..there are nothing i can do other than wait...what the hell is happening...why...why.. all the thing is like running out of control...realli...why cant i be like you, getting the chance..i hate myself for being so powerless...really...i am not blaming you...i just hate myself...
and I am very worry abt u...do u know that...??haix..
getting tired in life..really...i am too tired le...sooner or later.. i am going to break down into pieces...and than smaller pieces..and than disappear into the air...just like that...my emotion , my wish, it make me into someone i don know..it make me into a guy that i cant control..my temper change, my life change..it is totally a mess...i am sick and tired of it..realli...
I wan to be the me in the past..the good me...the one with positive thinking , the one that not scare of anything, the one who don't care have or dont have...but i am in darkness now...**

..I just hope u r ok..

**I am breaking down...I feel lost, I feel sad,I feel lonely,ARGHHHHHH...
I am going crazy...Y am I here??**

**well well well.. kinda stress with alot of problem now aday..My friends, My NCDCC, My study, My family...there are too many things for me to handle now....there are too many thing that are not within my control..Just to many thing...till i do not know how to handle..my friends..this few day keep on having unhappy thing..why..what happen to us..y everyone does not seem to be the old one they use to be...is it becos they realli change or is it becos I change...I don know.haix...
than my ncdcc...national day is reali round the corner...and I cant have my training every week..what the..somemore now got mistgun liao...how..still need to train arm drill...sian ar...than onli left with 4 training...cadets..everybody must come for all 4 ar...if not confirm die liao....
OK guys here is the dates...31st July, 1st of Aug,4th of Aug and 6th of Aug..
Everybody pls come....important...
than my study..hai test test and test..than now sick somemore...haix..super sian ar....somemore ncdcc like that...everytime need to go off earli..my study..argh..don wan to fail any of my topic..must pass than go on to year 2 sem 2..
than my family leh..problem don wish to said..too complicate liao...haix...
well got some photo when ricky and jw come my hus stay over night...hahaha..i in No.1...and afew more with the CAS Cadets at CDHG**

**yo i am back again..well actually this 2 day my mood was super bad..super not good..at first was ok de..until i go play basketball..at first tot that our mantalk work la...than super happy..cos finally efforts is working...but jw, don just said said only ar...must do ar..and not for one day onli hor..is forever ar...
than yesterday realli should not go to basketball la..i think is becos of me that started the whole thing..if i never go o wont like show sian sian face, than i never give sian sian face i wont trigger the thing.if i wont trigger the thing wont have so many ppl sad and angry..somemore is all my best friends..ARGH..sian ar...but due to my bad mood... i took alot of photo..i also don know why...hahaha....
than today go to CDHG..cos hong kong CAS come...wow the cadet was very very discipline la...OMG...if ncdcc cadet like them ar.. we CLT no job liao..hahah..no la..jkjk..but realli they are very discipline and friendly..it is very nice to be one of the CLT to interact with them..hahah...well glad that I went there today..it is realli a expos to me..also I so ps..ppl give me their name card I no name card to give ba..hmm..should think if i need to do some namecard also..just in case ar..hahaha..anyway...after that went to meet ricky they all..well something not good happen again..don wanna said much..still no in very good mood..so this post, just let photo do the job ba...**

**I am super super super super not happy yesterday....by right it was suppose to be a very happy day for mi..cos angel come down wor...of cos cannot forget all my brother la...so many ppl come down u know...than we play basketball play until super happy de wor...than see ppl come play soccer la...than nvm...we play half court half court...don cross each other line...than in the end leh...what they do...kick to our side wor...wow...than in the past every time they like that we give in...give in give in and give in..yesterday realli cannot tahan liao la...no need give in le...we die die also don wan to give in...argh...than derek go tell them use half court la..they they don care wor...derek said call police they also don care wor...waa...sian liao...nvm...than i no mood play liao..cos i scare the ball hit her la...i keep on standing behind her..just in case..if ball hit also hit me first ma...than wont hit her...argh..stupid soccer....than ok...they realli don wan stop wor..play free kick...than they said wan kick to our side..than we told them..your that side fake de ar..so empty cannot kick there must kick here la...stupid red red bear....i from now hate bear liao...fat liao still don kno whow to think...even fat like me..must be able to think ma...than ppl wont hate u..now how..so many ppl hate u...somemore u wan to hit girl wor..u man anot..go toliet check la...i tell u..if yesterday u realli hit ruyi...u see many ppl will find u liao...than no choice lo...
call police...that what happen..police come...than HL...what to do..they must drink HL milk before coming...(this comment only apply to the 2 yesterday not to the force)..die die must see IC...than u think u regular big is it.. NSF also have warrent card, also got rank, got uniform, got the same power...hey what u have is more paid only hor...wake up la...somemore police must help police right..than what...respect u...respect ppl first can anot...somemore CPL onli...argh..don said liao..
than those guys who like to said ppl, think first la...ppl said u u like anot...lol..all childish ppl....
But nvm , in the end still have a good chatting session..so still ok...hahaha..

Than today went to collect my No.1 uniform..yes yes yes..finally got my No.1 uniform liao..hahahahahaahahahahaha..so HAPPY now...hahaha..but just now my cadets realli make me reach to the boiling point until i need to scold them...so long never scold cadets liao..wan force me....haix...u think i like scold u all ma...i also don like..but u all realli got put in effort ma...if have, i don mind...but no lo..not everyone is putting efforts...onli some...it is not enough...also got No.1 complain no NO.1 also complain...than what u all want.make up your mind la..u know me and suhairi make how much effort in trying to help the unit get NO.1 anot..u think so easy..just like that can get No.1 ..U all wish la...so guy..buck up, wake up and change your mindset...
well now..got NO.1 , of course need to take photos and is lot and lot of photo..hahahaha..once in a life time chance u know..hehehe...taken some already..^^..**

**Found this footdrill result in vic blog...hahaha..this result is taken in 2005..our intensive footdrill course..From nothing jump to silver drill..hahahaha...
Also upload some photo taken on sunday...hahaha... **

Name:Benjamin Peh
Age:19
Horoscope: Scorpio

Present
I am a ....
*Senior Cadet Lieutenant*
*Certify Level 1 Kayaking Coach*
*First Aider*
*Certify Basic Cardiac Life Support Instructor*
*Grad From RP,Diploma in Biomedical Electronics*
因为寂寞而想你，
因为想你而更寂寞，
所以，我一天比一天寂寞，
一天比一天想你。

ExiT

*Adelin*
*Alex*
*Akmal*
*Bifei*
*Iris*
*Jeanette*
*Jun Xian*
*JW aka Lance aka "L"*
*My Unit's Blog*
*My Sec 1 Unit's Blog*
*My Sec 2 Unit's Blog*
*My Ex Unit's Blog*
*NCDCC*
*Ricky*
*Rulin*
*Ruyi*
*Ryan*
*Samantha*
*SCDF*
*Shi Hui*
*ShuLin*
*ShuQi*
*SiewMei*
*Victor*
*Wubinwushu*
*Xinrui*
*Xinrui's story*
*Yu Ting*
*Zahirah*